REAL QUESTIONS OF A FIRST TIME MOM
The secret is out… The hubby and I are going to be parents! Ahhhh, we are beyond excited!
But, along with the excitement also comes questions and concerns. From what I’ve observed, parenting is not for the faint of heart… And we are both well aware of that, it’s probably the main reason why we took our time adding kids into the mix in the first place.
I’ve personally never understood people who paint parenting as an easy and peachy picture. So, as far as parenting and truth-telling goes, you can expect me to be on the blunt side of things.
As for my first official pregnancy/parenting post, I decided to give you a peek into my brain.
Here are 10 real questions of a first-time mom:
- Why are so many first-time parents shocked at how hard the first 3 months are? Maybe I’m the odd one out, but the very thought of being a parent makes me nervous, especially the
first few monthsscratch that, more like the entire first year. Being responsible for the life of another human? That’s scary. And the first 3 months (get ready for my bluntness) seem like pure torture! Your body is recovering from the whole birthing process (which already freaks me out) and now you have to tend to another human every minute and hour of your day? And he/she spends most of its time latched onto you, what part of that seems easy? - Will I ever be able to sleep again? I’m almost pretty sure that the answer to this question is a big fat NO! At least for a long time. But really!? Like, really? Can I pray to not be sleep deprived and be blessed with a child who loves sleep as much as I do? One can only dream…
- How in the world will I function without sleep? I’m the kind of person that gets grouchy when I don’t get my full 8-9 hours of sleep. Over time, I’ve tried to wake up earlier and enjoy more of my early mornings, but if I know I have to wake up earlier — I also go to bed earlier. Why? Because I need my beauty sleep. So, how exactly does one function with only 3 to 4 hours of sleep a day?
- Have my abs forever left the building? Watching your body change through the process of pregnancy is an interesting/fascinating/scary process. The fact that a child is being formed inside of me is both a miraculous and scary process. Don’t worry, I’m not expecting to go home in my skinny jeans after giving birth but I would like to someday fit into them again. Yes, I know the question may seem superficial and trivial but it’s a real question. Will I go back to normal? I’m hoping muscle memory is real and though I know my weight may be distributed differently post-baby, I’m still hoping to be able to feel confident post-pregnancy.
- Will every room in my house turn into a baby room? Toys, high-chairs, swings, pampers, rocking chairs, baby clothes. Ah! Why do babies come with so much stuff? And how do I prevent them from taking over my house? If you’ve ever visited the Enriquez household you can attest to the fact that everything has its place. Not because we’re overly clean or neat, but because we have to use our space wisely. We live in a one bedroom apartment in South Beach, we can’t really afford to hoard stuff, which I think is a good thing. But what do I do with all the baby stuff?
- Do I really need a mom car? I have a 4-door sedan, a Mazda 3 to be exact. Do I really need a van or SUV? Other than a car seat, diaper bag and stroller what else do I need the extra room for?
- What if I don’t fall in love with my newborn right away? I’ve always said that if I could give birth to a 1 or 2-year-old (though that would be extremely painful) I would have probably had kids a lot sooner. Toddlers are so fun and energetic. I love them! But, personally newborns aren’t all that exciting to me. In fact, I find them quite boring they don’t do anything. (I warned you that I would be honest.) They’re not yet fully alert, you have to be super gentle with them, and at first they don’t even smile. They’re so fragile that I’m scared of breaking them. I’m really hoping my motherly instincts kick-in as soon as I hold my child for the first time. But what if they don’t?
- Will I really stop liking and buying heels? I’m all about a cool pair of sneakers and pretty flats, but show me the right heels or wedges and I’ll toss comfort to the curve. Though from what I hear, moms slowly start losing their love for heels and start becoming more fond of flats. Is that a real thing? Or is it just practicality?
- Does parenting require me to finally grow up? I’ve always been a kid-at-heart. I enjoy a good laugh, a dance-off, being silly, playing in the park and doing things that sometimes test the limits. I love random adventures and meeting new people. Does this make me immature? Let me ask a better question, do I have to grow up and become boring now?
- Does it make me a bad parent if I don’t put my child first? Growing up in a Latino household I often heard the saying “los hijos son la prioridad y lo mas importante de tu vida.” (Translation: Your children should always be your first priority and the most important part of your life.) Maybe it’s due to the fact that I was raised in a single-parent home where my mother had to play both mom and dad, work hard and even give up some of her aspirations in order to raise my sister and I. My mom is truly a blessing and I am ever so thankful for everything that she has done and continues to do for us. But sometimes, I wonder what would her life be like today if she had the help of my father? What would it look like to do this as a team with God at the center? The more I think of that, the more I vow to not make children my top priority. Instead, I promise to be a woman who first and foremost seeks God. Secondly, I promise to love, honor, and respect my husband and not give him my dirty seconds. I promise to love and cherish my child ever so dearly and I also know that the best way to do that is to raise him in a Godly-centered home and be able to be parents that love and care for each other as much as they do for him. Eventually, I know that someday this child will leave and start a new family, and hopefully we’ll have set a good example to help him mold his future.
Well, there you have it a brain dump of all my questions. Feel free to agree, disagree, answer or not! All I know is that I will take all the advice I can get.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to enjoy the pregnancy process and keep playing dress-up with my growing bump. Thanks Tobi.com for helping me have a stylish baby bump!
- Refresh your closet with any of these favorites: Dresses, Crop Tops, Rompers, Bodycon Dresses, Maxi Dresses, Bodysuits,
MIRROR SLIT dress c/o TOBI
ZARA heels
NORDSTROM watch
KENDRA SCOTT bracelet c/o ROCKSBOX
GORJANA earrings c/o ROCKBOX
Like my jewelry? Give Rocksbox a try! Have a free month on me, be sure to use the code VANNIAXOXO.
First, Congratulations! Secondly, Bravo for putting this all out there. So you are going to get a lot of “advice” whether you want it or not. The best I was given was that ultimately you and your husband are this child’s parents. No one else. You figure out what works best for your family. And whoever doesn’t like it can kiss your ….. And we have pretty much stuck by that.
I wish I had the perfect answers for all these questions, but there are none. But I will try to answer a few. No, you do not NEED a “mom” car. I no a lot of people that have sedans it is perfect. You many just want to make sure the stroller you buy, if you decide to use one, fits in the trunk.
Can you get your body back. Yes, but it may not be exactly like the body you had before. And how long it takes varies for each person. For me, I was back to my prepregnancy size/weight by 4 months. I know others who have taken much longer and some who never got it back. But I know you like to work out so I’m sure you will be fine.
First 3 months…..I knew it would be hard, I had no misgivings, but you never know what to expect until you are fully in it. I had an emergency c section so I was recovery from major surgery. My boobs were huge and sore and I cried everytime I nursed for probably the first week. ( I nursed for 13 months…it does get better) Some days were easy: baby nursed, pooped, slept and repeat. Other days they nursed every hour on the hour rotating from one breast to the other and I didn’t pee or shower the entire day let alone eat or drink anything. Sometimes they get sick and you are up every 3 hours giving them breathing treatments and unable to sleep because you are so afraid something awful is going to happen so you keep checking on them to make sure they are still breathing (or this may just be me LOL).
Since you are a Christian, you are to put God first, then your marriage and then your children. Having kids can put a lot of stress on a marriage if you are not intentional about making time for the two of you. Also if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t be the best you for your child. It does not make you selfish.
Having a child-like personality might help you play and imagine with your child better. You may grow up in some ways, like wanting to protect your kids from harmful situations or being more aware of the evils of this world that they may have to face one day.
Heels: I’ve had friends wear them almost their entire pregnancy. I think you just have to see how you and your feet feel as you progress.
Sleep: You can function without it. How: you just do…and COFFEE. When will you sleep again? No clue, I haven’t had a full nigtht’s sleep in 4 years. But each kid is different. Yours might be awesome and start sleeping all night by 6 months. I will not tell you how to get your kid to sleep. I hate those people, I seriously want to punch them in the face. Both my kids are different and what worked for one didn’t work for the other. So you two can do all the crazy sleep research you want and figure out a plan that works for you.
Ok, so that’s my rant.
Great advice, Shannon. Thanks so much!
Congrats Vannia! And yes baby years are hard. I have to admit I never slept much and have to give up most of my life for at least a solid year and a half. It’s hard, really hard. But unless you have a huge support system there is no other way. Toddlers I find harder than babies, though. I keep hearing it gets better when they are in Kindergarten, but they told me it would get better when she turned into a toddler and they lie lol! But once you get over and let go of all the things you cannot do anymore and just try to be comfortable not accomplishing much but being present for your child, it will get better. Someday they will not need you and by then you’ll have forgotten how hard it was when they were young and miss it. Enjoy the adventure!
I agree! Support system is SO important, regardless of your stage of life. Thanks for the feedback!
We have the same car so I can tell you from experience that you don’t need a SUV or minivan! Every room turns into the babies room because it’s all about stimulation. They need books, toys, play mat, walker etc and you need them sooner than you think. Don’t ever look at the baby stuff on amazon. It will drain your bank account!!!
You get use to not sleeping. I was a big sleeper ( full 8 hrs and naps). At the end of the pregnancy you will most likely have difficulty sleeping because of having to go pee all the time, the baby moving, being uncomfortable, and feeling anxiety about the delivery. So u are just use to being tired all the time. there’s no real “end of the day” because the babies feed every 3 hrs. You may miss eating a decent meal undisturbed at a decent time.
Stacy YOU are my HERO! Twins and all! SO SO proud of you!
Praise the Lord for provision! We are a family of 7 who live on a missionary income in California. I know the delight of the Lord’s provision in unexpected, “only God” ways. He really is a very good Father. I pray He gives your family the direction you need.
Oh Vannia! I’m so excited for you all! I want to respond to every concern, but I have to go to sleep so I can be rested when the baby wakes me to nurse. ? We will have to have you over for some Tschirhart women wisdom next time I’m in Miami. My mom is so very wise and between my sisters and me I think we might be able to calm most of your fears/concerns. Parenting IS tough, but the rewards along the way bring SO. MUCH. JOY! And just like marriage, the only way to experience all the joys it has to offer, is to keep God’s ways at the center of all you do. You will be an incredible mom just as you are an incredible woman. Can’t wait to see you and your beautiful bump! XO
Can’t wait, girls night! xoxo
You are going to be an amazing mom sis. I am excited for you & Miguel and can’t wait to meet my little nephew. All your questions are legit concerns and there are no black or white answers when it comes to parenting. All I can tell you is it’s the hardest, but most rewarding role God has entrusted me with.
It’s a really hard stage of life but, a beautiful one.
I remember everyone random person on the street when I went out with my baby would tell me to enjoy every moment because it goes so fast, now I know why… Time goes by so fast, I mean fast!
Cherish every moment. Every sleepless night, every spit up you get on your shirt, the one on one moments you will spend nursing little baby boy. Cherish every moment because you will never relive those moments again.
There will be hard times but remember it will pass… There will be times you doubt or second guess yourself , times you feel guilty. Those are the moments you need to lean on GOD alone & PRAY.
You will sleep again and you will eat an uninterrupted meal again. I’m still waiting on the uninterrupted meal. Enjoy time to yourself because it’s really easy to get wrapped up with being a mom. Even if just a few minutes everyday, make time for yourself. Remember you are still a woman and not just a mom. It’s an amazing journey but, boy is it a hard one.
So Beautiful dress
Thanks so much.